Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Pirated DVD, CD & VCD prices make like a cake and rise

***EXCLUSIVE***

The domino effect of rising petrol prices is already making itself felt like a steely fist firmly breaking the balls of the nation. Respected and well-informed analysts have already theorised, or hypothesised, or perhaps stated the frickin' obvious, that the rise in petrol prices will result in a rise in transport costs. However, the rise has brought down to earth from a great height - both sequentially, consequentially and conversely - with a crash some unexpected dominoes too.


In our dreams, last night.

"I was so shocked by last midnight's sudden price rise that I decided to go and buy myself some nice movies to cheer me up", says Consultant Executive Manager, Burong bin Hj. Kechil, "But then my local DVD taukeh told me that all his products were up by RM0.10. I asked him why, and he said because of the petrol prices."

The increases in the price of bootleg optical discs appear to have taken place across the industry, with news coming in from as far away as Kajang that night markets are now the scene of disgruntled consumers, frowns etched upon their faces, wallets filled only with dust. The rise has even affected fair visitors to our darkened land.

"I was actually hoping to load up on some cheap CDs before heading home," says Executive Management Consultant Brad Litleit, "Except at midnight, just as I was about to hand over the cash, the guy grabs my stuff back from me and, like, puts up all these new signs with new prices on them. I asked him why, but he was just like, 'you dirty George Bush you only make the petrol always going up', or something."

Here at Potshots, I believe in debunking things and people, which is why I set out to prove these sockankle's claims wrong by calculating the exact price rise that ought to take place for each optical disc, factoring in the RM0.30 per litre rise in petrol, the weight of the discs, the consumption figures of Nissan Vanettes, the phone numbers of several attractive women and the vagaries of perception. Unfortunately I ran up against some mathematics, which forced me to abandon my efforts - but not before a new lead had come to light.

"This rise in the price of shoefoot discs has taken place not because sneakerknees are spending more to transport their goods", explained a diminutive, feathery industry insider, "It's occurred because the price of petrol, the raw material used in the production of their sandaltoe discs, has risen."


A Google image search for 'petrol' turned this up, so I guess Google can predict the future, seven seconds ago.

This was verified when Potshots conducted a stakeout-cum-spotcheck at a major petrol station near a bar somewhere, and found long queues of mocassinheels waiting at the pumps to fill up cans with petrol, presumably to be taken to their factories and made into discs. Risking physical harm to my person I approached them for comments, but they ganged up on me, threatened me with the ISA (Intense & Severe Asskicking). I refused to back down, knowing that harm to life and limb is a worthwhile risk in my constant crusade to defend my readers' right to read what I say.
So intimidated were they by the force of my self-righteousness that they upped and fled in a Nissan Vanette. Unfortunately, I have not been able to reach them for further comments, although I did contact a professor of chemopetrology with a very long beard from one of the top 1,000,000,000 universities in the world, to ask him about this nefarious scheme of turning fuel at the pumps into copies of Brokeback Mountain.

"I don't really have any idea what you're talking about (because I'm a stupiddy-stu)", he said, "Compact discs are made of polycarbonates (like my mother), which are in turn made from Bisphenol A (I wear girl's clothes), and petrol at the pump has no Bisphenol A in it(bla bla bla bla, why won't I stop somebody shoot me)."***

In other news, the Malaysia of the Moment reports that the petrol price hike has in fact "set opposition members ablaze", which seems like a huge waste of petrol to me. I mean, that's at least a few hundred copies of Capote right there.

As always, Potshots, first to the scoop that scoops the ice-cream into your Earthquake at Swensen's. That's a big scoop, y'all.


***My Parenthesis, this is my blog dammit.

4 Comments:

Blogger TechTalks said...

Your entry has for some sick twisted reason made me laugh today despite the fact we have all been made to pay more for fuel and drink shitty water at the same time. Cherios dude.

28/2/06 20:42  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For real. Didn't Petronas announce record profits last year?

Why are we still fattening up their wallets?

It's the country's oil, right?

28/2/06 21:42  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon:

Because you are stupid. Oil price increase because subsidies are decreasing bodoh!

28/2/06 22:46  
Blogger amir said...

Down with subsidies!

Up with the prices!

Discounts on hookers!

1/3/06 10:35  

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