Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Lembah Pantai to hold By-Elections

BREAKING LIKE THE WIND BENEATH THE SEAT OF YOUR PANTS NEWS!!!

Once again - that is, for the second time - Potshots is first to the news that even Jeff Ooi hasn't had the opportunity to be late by one day to. Yes, you heard it here first, Lembah Pantai, the only shore that is a valley, which is a crazy sitch to be in since such a shore should surely be submerged by the sea, is due for a round of festivities known as the by-elections.
After seeing the sort of celebrity status accorded to some little part of dunno-where called Ijok, the once-and-former Hollywood of Malaysia, Bangsar is keen to regain its wardrobe malfunctioning throne of tabloid gossip. As such, it has initiated the first step that will lead to the chain of events that powers the gears of the mighty and unstoppable machine that results in inevitable by-elections - TARRING OF THE ROADS.


First, we examine a picture of Ijok pre-elections.

This is a picture of Jalan Maarof. As you can see, the similarities are striking. Freshly tarred roads and at least one Indian chap in the middle of it.

Yes, as all of us politicos know, once roads are tarred, polling must start. But this leads us to one very startling and diabolical conclusion, WHICH IS YET ANOTHER PIECE OF BREAKINGLY SCOOPING NEWS - Dato’ Seri Mata Syaitan Shahrizat Abdul Jalil MUST DIE!


RIP, soon!

Yes, just like Jet Li, the child-eating Succubus of women and their families will finally be vanquished via poetic karma leaving Aaliyah to drink some poison. Uhh, okay, got a bit confused there.


Minority Report, as one confused blogger named the movie, two seconds ago.

But while we await news of Sharizat's sudden passing, Potshots has not simply sat on its unregistered-to-vote arse and hoped that Maxis knows where to find me and reads my blog, we've gone out and find out what sort of reaction there's been at ground-level, where once again, - this time, meaning many occasions... at least three - my Little Earthworms have been first to arrive at some disturbing news.


We caught up with the driver of this taxi for a short interview, meaning we pwned him around the corner with our daring racing line, whilst smelling all that freshly brewed tar.

Taxi driver D. Rivelikeamaniakam, 41, says that of late, whenever he is prowling the streets of Lembah Pantai for a fare, he's suddenly felt a sudden surge of patriotism.

"Dunnola why also. Suddenly only, I feel like singing Negaraku and have a sudden urge to go to the school. There, that one, where I always go to vote, and put one big X beside the dacing," he told a cacing (lolol).

This strange phenomenon was also felt by dozens of other motorists on Jalan Maarof, who felt inclined to start dressing in red, white, blue and yellow and Pampers. However, while this may all seem fairly harmless and dandy since there isn't an actual real chance of Bangsar freezing over... I mean Lembah Pantai not being won by BN, isolated cases of more violent behaviour have been reported in isolation and have nothing to do with each other except for the fact that it also happened whilst drivers were on these newly-tarred roads.
Apparently, some members of the motoring public have gotten so passionate that they've started waving kerises around! Yes, you read that right, not Kelisas, but kerises!


Only good for waving around ever since the Viva was launched, on May 10.

Eye-witness Winston Kerchil Hawkseye has actually seen cases of apparent roadrage where drivers have suddenly appeared, unsheathing a keris and singing some joget song song. Here is the exclusive interview, as done by Wormy the Worm.

WKH: Like this la. First ah, the driver come out. But he never attack anyone, he just start waving the keris around. Then he tok some kok la. But also dunno what he saying. Just shouting and stuff. But he never actually had any effect. People just continue driving, joining the jam like centipede." (hyuck, hyuck)
WTW: Oh, did you notice anything strange about the driver or his car?
WKH: No wor. But actually, I see properly, there was a Malaysian flag attached to his roof. I think since last Merdeka or even 1994 Merdeka also not taken down yet, lazy like caterpillar. (hahaha)


Another stupid, harmless man with a keris, a couple of years ago.

So, this has been Potshots, with no closing statement from Maxis this time, as they've decided that since no actual letter of complaint was forwarded to them by the complainant, they've decided that they don't need to respond to me. But watch this space for more updates on the inevitable by-electioneering.

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