Sunday, March 12, 2006

Today, in confusing news reports

Daft Oi may not be the smartest person in the world, even his name sort of gives away the game, but he can smell out a trend when he sees one... with his optical nose.

The cutting edge optical nose, as used by Daft Oi, yesterday.

In light of the confusion besetting the Man Who Carried The Cross To Calvary For Free Speech, Jeff Ooi's, 'the Joe Public' - who are very much the same sort of folk who used to make up Hishammuddin 'I Need My Doc Martens For My ISA hearing' Rais' 'rakyat' - the government has released a statement that it is in fact, NOT using the fuel subsidy savings to bail MAS out. What a shocker! And all this while, we thought without the very seed of the shadow of the merest doubt that this was the case! Incredible!
According to Ooi's far-reaching network of conspiracy theorists/'the Joe Public', the news of the new fuel prices and MAS' recovery plan were "both announced on the same day but hours apart on Feb 27 -- had sent out confusing messages to the public."
Further to that, but only by a couple of feet, Ooi chin-rubbingly muses that "It could have been better managed but obviously Putrajaya's propagandists had failed to explain the government's position, making Pak Lah look very bad in public eyes. This is very unfortunate."
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Putrajaya's Jabatan Propaganda Dalam Negeri had failed to explain that THE FUEL SUBSIDY SAVINGS ISN'T FOR MAS. REALLY, IT ISN'T! Ye, betul, unfortunate, like how Ooi can remember the "the 70th anniversary of Uncle Samy Vellu's birthday" otherwise known in privileged circles as Samy's 70th birthday, but forget about the birthdays of all his loyal readers, be they the 5th or 6th anniversary.

Samy's birthday cake, creating a haze, ever since.

But the real point, unlike points scored from free throws due to technical fouls in the NBA, is that this trend of confusing news has been plaguing us for a very long time. Recently, several examples have cropped up, thanks to the hardworking Little Earthworms.
Firstly, the newspaper for people who love ads, ran an article on how "Taliban insurgents have beheaded two former Afghan government officials in the southern province of Helmand".
Then, in a confusing piece of news, it reported further that Datuk K, Siti Nurhaliza's honeybunny-sweet pumpkin pie-sugardaddy had made an order to 'Cut It Out'.
Does this mean that Datuk K is a Taliban guerrilla? Jill Civics have been inundating and dating me with SMS and emails about the confusing messages - both from the Star and also from my body language during the dates.

And then, the Times of the Straits that are so new that they cannot be found on any map, reported that "The RM31 billion or 53 per cent from the total profit of RM59 billion is a huge contribution. Compared with other oil companies, it is clear that Petronas cares about the country’s development needs."
In a shocking revelation, Screenshots revealed that the HIGHLY CONFUSING RATHER THAN COINCIDENTAL news that the Sun - which is free like a bird, which happens to be Ooi's insiders of choice... hmmm, how suspicious - has bumped up "daily circulation from the previous 150,000 copies to 230,000 copies... additional 53% print-run"
Potshots has longed learnt not to question Ooi on any numbers games and so, it must be certain that Ooi's 53% is accurate instead of perhaps, 53.3% or 53.33% or 53.3333(recurring)%.
This sends the confusing signal that the Sun is somehow funded by petrol money. Does this mean that the fuel savings is being used to pay for the Sun's additional print run? Will the people, be they Mr Public or Ms Civic, stand for this?
If this piece of obvious fact via coincidence is to be shot down, then it is up to NST to clarify the position of Petronas since Ooi's clarity is like his charity.

Hardware used by Petronas to calculate taxes, last fiscal year.

Last but not least, I myself have discovered one last coincidence. This post on coincidence is coincidentally my 9th entry for the month and we are in the 9th Malaysian Plan. This must definitely confirm, albeit, confusingly, that I am a Patriot!


Blogger Lord Vendetta said...

lol @ Jabatan Propaganda Dalam Negeri !

13/3/06 15:23  
Anonymous Google Gurl said...

Okeh, must salute you for all that pictures wit blardy farnee captions. Join contest la sure win one..

15/3/06 14:06  

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