Laying down the Hatch for Elections

Ladies and Gentlemen, your Favourite is back.

Some may have wondered (while laying between the sheets craving a firm yet gentle touch) where on earth I'd disappeared to for the past two months. Wondered and yearned. Well, my darlings, I have been hard at work. In January I was approached to undertake a very important project to safeguard the very future of this nation, and obviously I had to turn my attention there, leaving my blog unattended.

In the time I've been away, much has been rumbling in the tumbly of our nation - parliament was dissolved and elections are nigh, a time of great joy for flag and poster manufacturers. This is in keeping with the tradition of the Pilihanraya, which were set up by our nation's founders in order to provide employment and sustenance for those in the flag and poster business. Plus, in addition to all this wonderful business stimulation, the people get to have a big party too, and pretend as though they actually have some kind of real choice, that it isn't just a choice between two evils. They get to believe that their nation belongs to them and that it actually is a democracy!

Democracy!, circa 2000

I myself am no outsider to the democratic process, and I personally believe that any Malaysians who do not vote are wasting their lives AND being irresponsible. Yup, it doesn't really matter if you think you have the right not to vote (haha, you think you have rights), or if your choice is between a power-crazed moron with a compulsive corruption disorder on the one hand and a power-starved moron with a superhero complex on the other - you still gotta fight / for your right / to party! What I mean is, of course, that you gotta fight for the politicians' right to party, but same-same lah, ok? I mean, at least somebody gets to party. Would you rather nobody at all be partying? Are you that mean-spirited?

JOM KITA BERPESTA, minggu depan.

In that sense, this year's elections will be a bit different for me, in that I have finally made the transition from the side of the partied-upon to the side of the partiers-upon. For in late December I was approached by one of Malaysia's most exciting political upstarts and offered a prominent position in his campaign force. Initially a rumour that this offer would be made came to me through my Little Earthworms, who said to me that "from an oriental pearl would emerge J for Jendetta who would seek a D for Didekick in his quest to save V for Valaysia." My Earthworms always talk like that, what to do. At first I greeted their news with skepticism, but then I received a phone call.

"My boy," this great hero of mine said to me, "Think not what your country can do for you, think what your country can do for me. And while you're at it, think about what you can do for me too."

Immediately I accepted. And now I can reveal to you, boys and girls and ladyboys, the identity of this sexilicious Knowledge-Economist (or Knowledgeconomist) for whom I am acting as Campaign Coordinator, Chief Political Strategist, Web Advisor and High Admiral - it is none other than the Malaysia's Bapa Pemblogan, Jeff 'I am not a crook' Ooi!

These fine gentlemen are 'not' 'crooks' either, nor have they been, ever.

Yes, it's been an exciting couple of months, my minions. Jeff was named the candidate for Jelutong, running against no less that Koh Tsu Koon, who is very important, they tell me. I moved into my office in Jeff's new campaign headquarters, and since then I have been constantly at Jeff's side, making coffee and answering all his crucial questions on the campaign, many of which he himself had neglected to ask. I have been yelling at the interns that I haven't been cigaring, and drawing lots of flow charts, using words like 'diaspora' and 'technopreneurship'. Thrilling times, my babes, thrilling times - but they are about to get even thrillier. For in the next two days, exclusively for my sweet, voluptuous readers, I expect to receive clearance from my Big Boss Ooi to release the top-secret quadruple-prong strategy around which I have shaped his campaign. You will be able to experience my genius at close quarters, and you will also learn why I am ending this post with the words: Let's not count the egg before it's hatched.