Sunday, March 09, 2008

GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLOLO

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, LOVING READERS. THIS POST WILL BE ENTIRELY IN CAPS IN ORDER TO CELEBRATE THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE, AND IN THE LIFE OF OUR NATION. I AM USING CAPS BECAUSE MY SUPER MENTOR MAN, JEFF 'YB' OOI, HAS REQUESTED THAT WE STAY CALM, STAY COOL AND STAY HOME, WHILE OTHERS HAVE REQUESTED 'ZERO CELEBRATIONS'. SO THIS WILL BE THE EXTENT OF MY VISIBLE JOY.


THE IMAGE OF MY SILENT JUBILEE IS UNAVAILABLE BECAUSE IT IS SILENT, CURRENTLY.

BUT IT HAS HAPPENED, MY SWEETIES: THANKS TO MY AMAZING AND FULLY PATENTED STRATEGIC INITIATIVE, NOT ONLY HAS JEFF OOI WON AN IMMENSE VICTORY IN JELUTONG, BUT THE OPPOSITION ITSELF HAS TAKEN FIVE STATES (INCLUDING MY OWN HOME STATE OF SELANGOR!!!) AND HAS SHATTERED BN'S TWO-THIRDS MAJORITY IN PARLIAMENT. KING SAMY HAS FALLEN! WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW OVERJOYED I AM, BUT I'M USING THEM ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU IDIOTS CAN ONLY READ WORDS.

COME, LET'S PLAY A GAME OF 'SPOT THE SAMY'... IS HE HERE? IS HE THERE? OH WHERE MIGHT HE BE HIDING? WHERE IN PARLIAMENT IS SAMY? I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT: IT'S A TRICK QUESTION...

THE POWER OF MY UNDERDOG'S STRATEGY WAS SUCH THAT NOT ONLY DID THE MALAYSIAN OPPOSITION MAKE A KILLING AT THE POLLS, BUT BARNSLEY KICKED CHELSEA OUT OF THE FA CUP, PORTSMOUTH DID THE SAME TO MANCHESTER UNITED, SCOTLAND BEAT ENGLAND IN THE SIX-NATIONS AND OBAMA BEAT CLINTON IN WYOMING!!! WAIT... IS BARACK CURRENTLY THE UNDERDOG? OR IS IT HILLARY? OH YEAH, I'M RIGHT, IT'S BARACK...HILLARY WAS LAST WEEK'S UNDERDOG. ANYWAY, THERE YOU GO - TRULY WE CAN LOOK UP AT THE SKY THIS NIGHT AND SEE NOT THE DOG STAR SHINING BENEVOLENTLY DOWN ON US, BUT THE UNDERDOG STAR.



SPEED OF LIGHTNING! ROAR OF THUNDER! FIGHTING ALL WHO ROB AND PLUNDER!


THE PAST FEW DAYS HAVE BEEN A ROLLER-COASTER RIDE WITH A HAPPY ENDING OF A CALIBRE THAT NOT EVEN THE MOST SKILLED CHINESE MASSEUSE CAN PROVIDE. JEFF LOST HIS VOICE, AND ON MY ADVICE ROCKED UP TO A RALLY WITH HIS GUITAR AND SANG INSTEAD, BECAUSE AS WE ALL KNOW SINGING DOESN'T REQUIRE A VOICE, WHEREAS TALKING DOES. JEFF SANG, AND THE BOSS (AKA 'THE PEOPLE') SPOKE BACK WITH A RESOUNDING "YES, JEFF, THINGS HAVE GOTTEN SO BAD NOW THAT WE WILL EVEN VOTE FOR AN ABSOLUTE AND UTTER CRETIN LIKE YOU BEFORE WE VOTE FOR THE OTHER GUY!!!" IT TRULY IS A GLORIOUS DAY FOR LESSER EVILS. IT WAS ALSO A GOOD ONE FOR TORRENTS OF NAUSEATINGLY PURPLE BULLSHIT SPOUTED BY POMPOUS HUMAN FOGHORNS.

IN THIS TIME OF HAPPINESS I WOULD LIKE TO CALL ON ALL OF US TO PAR-TAY LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW, AND TRY TO FORGET FOR NOW THAT SOME OF THE OPPOSITION PARTIES THAT HAVE DONE WELL ALSO STRONGLY SUPPORT RACIALLY CHARGED AND ANTI-PROGRESSIVE CAUSES. AND I WOULD LIKE IN THIS MOMENT TO THANK OUR PRIME MINISTER ABDULLAH AHMAD BADAWI FOR MAKING THIS VICTORY POSSIBLE, BY LOOSENING THE SHACKLES PLACED UPON US BY HIS PREDECESSOR THE MIGHTY TUN DR. PHD MAHATHIR, FOR CLEANING UP THE ELECTORAL COMMISSION, AND FOR SAYING THE OBVIOUS THING ABOUT DEMOCRACY THAT MALAYSIAN POLITICIANS HAVE FAILED TO SAY FOR YEARS - THAT IT IS ABOUT THE PEOPLE, AND THAT OUR DECISION IS FINAL. HAHAHAHA, WHAT AN IDIOT!!! AND SLEEPY TOO!!! COME, FRIENDS, LET US ALL LAUGH AT HIM. LET US TALK AS THOUGH MAHATHIR WAS ACTUALLY BETTER, RATHER THAN JUST LUCKY AS FUCK, AND LET'S PRETEND TO TAKE THAT SENILE OLD RACIST TYRANT SERIOUSLY WHEN HE SAYS THAT HE BELIEVES MALAYSIA NEEDS A STRONG OPPOSITION. HURRAY FOR THE ABILITY TO FORGET THE PAST AND HOLD CONFLICTING VIEWPOINTS!!! DOUBLETHINK ROCKS.

SENYUM BUAT APA? SIAPA SURUH YOU PERCAYA SANGAT PADA DEMOKRASI? PADAN MUKA!
WAH, HEMSEMNYE...INILAH BARU MUKA ORANG PANDAI, YANG TAHU MACAM MANA NAK SUBJUGATE ORANG RAMAI BUAT BERPULUH TAHUN. TENGOK SEKARANG, HASIL KERJA KERASNYA SEMUA DAH HANCUR BERKECAI, SEBAB SI ANU YANG GAMBARNYA KAT ATAS TU.

BUT NOT TOO MUCH CELEBRATIONS NOW. STAY INDOORS. STOCK UP ON FOOD. BEWARE THE BOOJUM. AFTER GOT RIOT MEANS HABIS. INSTEAD SING THIS SONG IN YOUR HEART AND THINK OF THOSE HAPPY LION CUBS:
BORN FREE / AS FREE AS THE WIND BLOWS
AS FREE AS THE GRASS GROWS
BORN FREE TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART
LIVE FREE / AND BEAUTY SURROUNDS YOU
THE WORLD STILL ASTOUNDS YOU
EACH TIME YOU LOOK AT THE STARS
STAY FREE / WHERE NO WALLS DIVIDE YOU
YOU'RE FREE AS THE ROARING TIDE
SO THERE'S NO NEED TO HIDE
BORN FREE / AND LIFE IS WORTH LIVING
BUT ONLY WORTH LIVING
'COS YOU'RE BORN FREE!

4 Comments:

Blogger Erna said...

Ahahahahhaha.

My stomach dieded after the two pictures of our PMs. Occasionally, yes, you're incredibly daft.

But you have a few points.

And yes, that purple prose made me turn a few funny colours too.

9/3/08 19:26  
Blogger Joon Ian said...

daft oi padan muka!

16/3/08 00:10  
Blogger Daft Oi said...

Terima kasih, terima kasih. Betul kata saudara/saudari: muka saya ini memang padan dengan pencapaian kami. Ramai orang belum sedar lagi bahawa prestasi hebat yang ditunjukkan oleh pihak parti pembangkang dalam pilihan raya ini terutamanya disebabkan oleh muka saya yang terlalu kacak. Tapi nasib baik mereka yang fikirannya lebih tajam, seperti saudara/saudari ini, telah menyedarkan diri tentang kehebatan saya. Kemenangan yang lawa, muka yang lebih lawa lagi. Itulah namanya strategi.

16/3/08 21:21  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here is the latest blog created by my conscience, the real reflection of me: Raja Petra bin Raja Kamaruddin …

RAJA MONGREL!

Hear me confess at http://rajamongrel.blogspot.com/ ie. Raja Mongrel dot Blogspot dot com

Yours truly
Raja Petra bin Raja Kamaruddin (Now & Official)
King Sultan Raja Prophet Nabi Petra Kamaruddin (In Progress … Note No ‘Bin’ In My Name)

18/3/08 01:18  

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