Wednesday, April 16, 2008

People Who Live In Democratic Countries Say The Darndest Things


No animals were harmed in the making of this girl, in the past month.

Only good things have happened since March 8, my good fellow citizens of a proper democratic country, which has just experienced a birth, a new dawn, puberty and many other mighty metaphors of moving manganese. The air is freer, the water is freer and most importantly, the speech is freer.

One of the underreported benefits of the NEP, for 37 years now.

Ah, don't you just love free speech? Some say, all this liberal democracy is the result of the Age of Enlightenment, where something something, and then, we all became smart.
Obviously, we know this is not true. Not only is it not true because Enlightenment is like such a long word that it is practically meaningless, just like antidisestablishmentarianism, but also because we know that free speech has so much weight. Ia mengandungi isi yang padat, saudara-saudari sekalian.
So how can it be the product of Enlightenment? It's obviously a product of En-heavyen-ment, something that is true, because it is so close to Heaven, and we all know that they say in Heaven love comes first, so we'll make Heaven a place on Earth.
Even the King of the World himself, the man who was known as Elvis the Pelvis, could not escape En-heavyen-ment. Gravity always wins, my dearly abducted.

A whole lot of En-heavy-enment goin' on, when blue suede shoes were still in fashion.

Enlightenment only gave us rational thinking, which is patently rubbish. What has rational thinking ever brought us? It is only with irrational policies like ISA, OSA, keris-waving, name-calling, and juvenile accusations of racism, that we have managed to come to where we are today, a country where Jeff Ooi, ladies and gentlemen, is a YB! We have succeeded, finally, with our powers of free speech, to weigh in and deliver YB Ooi to the rakyat of Penang! This has finally become a reality, all thanks to Malaysians everywhere and their fervent belief in the legacy of En-heavyen-ment which has resulted in free speech spektacularrrrrr.

Ye, betul, Jeff is above the law like 18SG ratings, for the next 5 years.

This is best exhibited, by the sort of free speech that has resulted from an altogether superb irrational policy, the NEP. Immediately after the March 8 elections, the-man-who-wouldn't-want-to-be-but-ended-up-Chief-Minister, Lim Guan Eng, said, "No need-la this NEP all," much to the chagrin of some Malay flers.
I also dunno if actually got a lot of Melayus who were pissed off, but thanks to free speech and En-heavy-enment, we can say that some Malay flers pissed off, therefore, Mr Lim screwed up. After all, Pak Lah himself said so.

"The (Penang) state government must not try to create an atmosphere which can cause racial tensions," our good PM, who is also Penang Umno chief.
Hah, Mr Lim! Heard or not? Bring back the Malay-affirming NEP so there won't be an atmosphere of racial tensions. Non-racial policies only create racial tension, you stupid n00b of a CM.
Pak Lah also said the new state government in Penang should not marginalise the Malays, who are the minority in the state, and other minority groups like the Indians. This can be achieved of course, by ensuring kedaulatan NEP, which somehow ensures the kepentingan of minorities, but also majorities when the state has a larger Malay population. And don't tell me this is illogical. It's already been explained. Logic is a legacy of this rational thinking devilry. So don't listen to logic!


We should instead, follow the example of Penang Umno secretary Datuk Azhar Ibrahim who said some impressively illogical things.

1. It will also result in unrest because Malays will face all sorts of hardship.
2. Despite 50 years of Independence (and also affirmative action for Malays), Azhar said the Bumiputera's equity was still lacking by 18.7 per cent. The group has yet to achieve the 30 per cent target.
3. Azhar claimed the DAP, unlike Barisan Nasional, had never supported and encouraged the NEP. Therefore, it begs the question - "They claim to represent the people of all races but are they really doing so?"
4. Since the party had been chosen by the people to lead the state, along with Parti Keadilan Rakyat, they should be responsible for each and everyone's well being, Azhar said. Meaning, not just uhh, Malays? Or Chinese? Ok, I get confused.

Melayu ke Cina?

The point is, irrationality has resulted in free speech, this most precious commodity of democracy dollars - the currency that buys you all the hot air you'll ever need.
Place these statements by the free speaking Umno top guns against the insipid blubbering of Mr Lim, who claims that when Umno protested outside Komtar, they did not hand him a memorandum and then you will realise the power of free speech.

"It is all part of freedom of speech," he rightfully spotted - well done, oh keen-eyed heir to the DAP throne. "However, I am surprised that they
did not give me any memorandum."
See this guy. Has hardly warmed his seat in office and already trying to clamp down on our freedom of speech. Wanna protest must have memo one meh? We all know that we can protest for any reason without having to aim to do anything concrete about it. Protest is enshrined as part of any institutions right to achieve maximum marketing and PR leverage.
That's why Hindraf can protest outside the British High Comm on a Sunday when nobody is there to accept their 'petition'. That's why they can use children to do a man's job.
Sokong Hindraf! Sokong kebebasan bersuara!

Join Hindraf in support of Child Labour, this coming Labour Day.

Want more evidence? Why, you simply have to look at how we've irrationality allowed bollocks in our judiciary to go unaddressed for 20 years! And it's resulted in a cacophony, a symphony, an operatic chorus of free speech in the past few weeks.

Chief Justice Datuk Abdul Hamid Mohamad started it all by urging members of the judiciary to help correct the people's negative perception of the judiciary.
"Every misconduct of any member of the judiciary will tarnish its image. So, I urge all members of the judiciary, irrespective of positions, from the highest to the lowest, to work together in unison to boost public perception of the judiciary," he said.
Spot on la, Yang Arif. Once people perceive it as the most canggun institution in Malaysia, everything will be solved. And how do we make people think that? Well, by practising the same free speech you did, of course! No need to reform, reform la, just talk about reforming cukup.
After all, Najib already said, we're not apologising for the sula of 1988, just paying for the bill, that's all, like the fees for so many of Max Mosley's Nazi whores.
So no need to want to repent, reform, to run from our wicked ways. Just make sure people like how our judiciary looks. Get Judge Dredd or someone like that, and people will start cheering wildly in the streets but not in the courts, because that would be in contempt, the opposite of good perception.

A new form of capital punishment being proposed to reform our judiciary, with immediate effect.

But the final word on free speech, must of course go to the Bob Dylan of Free Speech himself, who used so much free speech that he lost his voice, and had to use free singch instead.
Right after masterminding and being the spearhead - the pointy bit of the spear that hurts the mammoth, in purely unsophisticated caveman terms - of the new dawn of the rebirth of the pubescence of the new Malaysia, YB Jeff wasted no time in slinging his free speech in all directions and using it for the ultimate good - promoting Jeff 4 Malaysia, which if you didn't guess by now, is basically the same as Jeff 4 PM. Pak Lah might be PM now, Najib might be PM-in-waiting, Mahathir the PM-in-retirement, Ku Li the PM-in-his-dreams and Anwar might be PM-out-of-jail, but Jeff is the one and only true 4PM-Time-For-A-Nap.
Now that he's already running Penang as its Chief of Staff ("I decided to accept a job offer from the new Penang Chief Minister to be his Chief-of-Staff... without pay - yes, Brother Jeff! That's the way. You've learnt well. Make it look like you are sacrificing for the people instead of the slut-4-power you are who now wants to busybody with Penang affairs after making the mistake of not running for DUN) he's able to spread all the wonderful propaganda for the furtherance of the Mighty Ooi-mpire that will sweep across this nation like a big penyapu lidi.
This includes the all-powerful practice of posturing with statements like "OK, am I the first blogger in the world who is elected into Parliament through the democratic process? I am feeling the heat now." Excellent! Forget Tony Pua, or even those lowly DUNces (hurh, hurh) like Nik Nazmi or Elizabeth Wong, the only blogger that matters, the only blogger who spits free speech even when he's not actually talking, is Jeff "YB" Ooi.
He represents free speech with his entire being, I tell you, to the point where YB Jeff can actually come up with stuff like "he asked me if I realised what JEFF could mean for my political belief. It's Justice, Equality, Fairness and Freedom, he said. (Gee, I didn't realise that!)"
Another beautiful setpiece by the one and only YB Jeff. Yes, let some poor imaginary imaginationless fart do the talking for you and then blog about it like you're so heartened by the rakyat's support. Awesome, it brings a tear to my spin-doctoring eye.

Jewel Exchanging Fantastic Fantasies

YB Jeff has learnt that one shouldn't just spend every waking minute fantasising about the kind of megalomaniacal acronyms our names could be. Sometimes, if you think of some sentimental crap, it'll help people sympathise, emphatise or downright pity you. After all, we don't want people to know that we have wet dreams with our eyes open, i.e., jerking off.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gladiators... We salute you... Good piece on that no good piece of @#@! YB Blogger. Time for him to put into place what he preaches.

Incidentally, can u remind him that a seat in Dewan Rakyat means a seat in the legislative that forms the Parliament for the country, not just Penang. Penang is not Malaysia, I believe it makes up part of Malaysia. And o yes while we're at it, if he is not getting paid for his job as the Chief Of Staff (so American one, makes me wonder why... in cahoots with someone we know?) then who is feeding his family?

24/4/08 14:07  
Blogger tigerjoe said...

Has the "wind of change" started to smell like a fart yet?


3/5/08 00:38  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I suppose the credit goes to the chief of staff for booking economy class flight tickets for the chief minister.

Probably saved the state government 20k ~ 30k a year in domestic flights via MAS (reread the sentence and try to understand what it means in both quantiative and qualitative terms).

This means that the opposition knows how to stretch the tax payers' Ringgit towards Idris Jala's profit margins. Every sen counts, so lets milk it. The chief minister of the people who flies with the hoi polloi - feeling their pain, the lost time and the discomfort. Next time, he will take the bus, or drive, who knows.

Thus far, the opposition-led state governments have mastered the noveau art form of inter-racial politics by cutting up the spoiler's cake according to skin colour. Bravo!

Now, they all need to appear to be frugal, poor, saintly and bearers of truth, justice and equality. All in good time now. Lets hope the Pakatan Rakyat and Barisan Nasional don't try too hard to outdo one another in handouts and gimmicks cause some of us still live in the real world knowing someone has to pay sometime.

4/5/08 00:03  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found this on Jeff's blog... his greatest achievement since becoming MP:

NOTE: On Monday (May 5, 2008), since my complaint, new parking lots have been drawn along the kerbs formerly demarcated by non-parking white lines to take in more cars.

Is this guy for real????

8/5/08 19:25  
Blogger tigerjoe said...

Hooray for your friendly neighbourhood freedom fighter - champion of free sidewalk parking!!!


What an idiot.

18/5/08 21:42  
Blogger HSH EmperorX said...

Someone tipped me off that ..

Raja Petra Kamarudin is a Commoner ..

Q1: How come Raja Kamarudin has TWO GRANDFATHERS ie. Raja Uda and Sultan Musa?
Q2: Why he refused to answer such questions posted in his own site (

A: Here [ ]

21/5/08 00:45  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another defamation sue in the making. This will be the first Malaysian taken to court for libel charges just because he made a Genuine Consumer Complaint on the Internet. Should we keep quite from being bullied by the rich and powerful? Is it right to use the law to muzzle a consumer in grievance? Read more here and original complaint at

21/5/08 02:51  
Blogger Ian said...


With the amount of money he has, Max Mosley could afford to pay for wayyyyyy better looking booty call chicks, in my honest opinion.

Nevertheless, JEFF is a joke.

24/5/08 20:14  
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2/7/18 18:28  

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