Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Jeff Ooi offering free tickets to see 'V for Vendetta'!

By shaving herself bald for a leading role, Natalie Portman is even more hotterer (terer - haha, so punny!) than ever before. However, The Masked Man Of Free Speech Who Wears An Ultraman Mask, Jeff Ooi, didn't notice this, since he must have been stunned by Portman's latest film, V for Vendetta.

As he wrote in a recent post, "The movie's title hit me smacked in the face." What this means is unclear due to the curious tenses, although a Diminutive Earthworm informed me that the sentence is accurate, for the word 'hit' is rhetorical, referring to the emoto-spritual impact that reading the words V for Vendetta had on our man Jeff, whereas the word 'smacked' refers to the smacking that he had received from his aunty immediately prior to reading the title. Thus he was in a smacked state when the title hit him, although it is unclear whether the movie hit him in the face where he had been smacked, or whether his aunty had smacked him on his bottom as is usual, and it was only the movie that impacted his visage.

In what is a curious and unprecedented turn of events, unlike all of Giancarlo Fisichella's turns last weekend, it appears Ooi actually likes this movie - it has been previously posited that Ooi, being a cyborg, doesn't like anything - although whether he is capable of understanding it is a different matter altogether.

"Jeff Ooi?! Jeff Ooi is a sluggardly buffoon from the depths of the online garbage heap," exclaimed V for Vendetta author Alan Moore upon being harassed for comment, "He can't understand my work! Nobody understands my work! Nobody who hasn't a beard like mine could ever fail to understand what I'm not trying to avoid saying with my work!"

More likely to be grown by Jeff Ooi's aunty than himself, after a five o'clock shadow.

But what's going on here, actually? Does Ooi believe himself to be the verbose masked avenger from the film, known only as V? Could he possibly truly be V? And if he is V or even believes so, then does he have a vendetta like the hero of said film? Is he backtracking on the times when he said, "What Vendetta?" Such things must be left to my Little Earthworms, who first uncovered the fact that Ooi believes there are certain poetic parallels between his own story and that of the movie.

"Recently, during the time when The NST shot itself on the foot over some caricatures and got its first ever show-cause letter from the government but got away scot-free, this blogger was accused of conspiring with A. Kadir Jasin to wage a personal vendetta against the newspaper, an oxymoron that will fail in Critical Thinking 101 in a USM degree," he writes, appearing to invent a whole new, and as yet indeterminate, meaning for the word 'oxymoron.' It should be noted that it appears Ooi did in fact study at USM, in my eternal fandom I dug up the fact that he did take the Critical Thinking 101 course, where he performed the unprecedented feat of failing his lecturer and all his fellow students. Who cares if they never listened, eh Jeff? We know where right is, and it's not where might is, or perhaps it is.

The NST, post-cartoonania.

After a while staring at this post of his, though, I came to a conclusion that, so far, all my Earthworms have confirmed. This is that Jeff Ooi must be the very same V of V for Vendetta fame. Firstly, there are distinct parallels between the chilling grinning Guy Fawkes mask used by V and Ooi's own mask, which makes you wonder how hideously disfigured the man must be underneath it.
Secondly, Ooi is a freedom fighter, as we all know, and a trained commando schooled in the art of hand-to-hand knife combat. Are you scared yet? You should be. Because if Ooi is V, only one earth-shattering conclusion remains - Ooi wants to blow up the houses of parliament.

Who will save us... now?

"I don't vish for any such violence," he said when asked for comment, "Verily, I do vouchsafe that I am very, very, very, very, very in vogue and vould valiantly vatch our vanguard from the vicious voodoo that vacantly vallows in our vaters, until ven I can be windicated, er, I mean vindicated."

In a mirror of the movie posters showing an army of supporters coming out wearing Guy Fawkes masks for V, Ooi's own militia have already started trying to copy his newfound linguistic habits, although with somewhat less satisfactory results, such as this:
"Gosh, V'm vurprised vit vis vot vanned vin Valaysia!" target=_blank People, I don't make this stuff up, seriously. Well, not all of it, honest.

However, the news that Jevv Vooi is V comes as small potatoes next to big-ass potatoes when compared to the news that he has offered to donate free movie tickets to some arguing people in order to let them watch the movie and, one can assume, they can realise how fantastic he is and how much he sounds like Hugo Weaving. If that isn't enough unexpected generosity, Ooi has offered "Another two free tickets if you wanna be the judge sitting among the two of them." Why someone would need two tickets to be the judge sitting between them remains to be seen, unless perhaps Ooi is expecting some really fat people who take up more than one cinema seat to be applying for these free tickets.
Who cares, anyway, this is an offer of a free movie and if you're smart you'll do as I have done and e-mail Ooi to redeem your two tickets immediately. No questions, no slogans, no catch! This certainly puts paid to my recent suggestion that Ooi is a tightwad - here, finally, are the reader freebies we have all eager awaited!
It is currently unclear, however, if these 'free' tickets are in fact 'free' in the traditional sense of the word, or 'free' in the sense of Ooi's 'free' speech, which is in fact not free but shackled permanently to something the experts refer to as 'stupidity'.

Potshots, once again, with the most up-to-date bollocks this side of its overuse in a movie.


Blogger graceshu said...


22/3/06 13:31  
Blogger eyeris said...


22/3/06 16:43  
Blogger amir said...

V for Vendetta is a blasphemous take on Alan Moore's masterpiece.

It should have been titled S for Stupid

23/3/06 21:31  

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