Tuesday, March 14, 2006

This week in racial composition of the media news

Once again, the smelloscopic powers of Daft Oi have come to the fore again, once again, as he uncovers yet again a slice of Malaysia's political scene, once again, and again and again until there is nothing left to gain.
The Once and Former King of the NST, The Scribe Abdul Kadir AK-Ja51n, reported on the Not So New Since It's Over 160 Years Old Straits Times' Voluntary Super Sweepstakes (VSS) where 216 employees were the lucky winners of the jackpot - an all-expense paid ticket out of the company - including some 60 journalists. In his entry, the Scribe pointed out that a majority of the winners were Malay. Even more shockingly, he revelated that out of the 20 lucky winners coming from Malay-language publications, a whoppering 19 were Malays, with one rumoured to be of the Powhatan tribe of East Sentul or, if you prefer, Sentul East. Can you imagine that?! Nineteen out of 20 VSS-winning employees leaving Malay-language publications being Malay?!! This is quite unlike the fabled Sin Chew VSS of 1987, where 42.3 out of 44 departers were Chilean Tamils. Of course, the real question is why there were so many Malays working for these Malay publications in the first place...the legend continues.

An AK-47, no relation to AK-Ja51n, during the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan.

Because Daft Oi only has superhuman abilities of counting Little Indians (Daft Oi would like to point out that this is not a specific dig at NST's Groupie Edit Brendan of the Prairie) and not Malays, he was beaten to this scoop by the Scribe, who was swift to point out this apparently liberal use of special Bumiputera rights. And to rub it in my face, the Yang di-Pertua Cakap Percuma, Jeff Ooi, makes it even clearer with his headline of 'Leaving NSTP... mostly Malay journalists', where he basically repeats everything that the Scribe said in his blog. But don't you dare call him a mouthpiece. He is more of a translator, innit?

This piece of confusing news has once again sent executive Public Joe in-chief Jill Honda Civic clamouring for the comforting and lust-inducing embrace of Daft Oi, sobbing and moaning, "Can it ever be more obvious that NST is an UMNO mouthpiece? Even its sweepstakes has a Malay quota! See, why can't they let the Chinese and Indian flers have an equal chance to go on this one-way holiday too?"

For real. But Potshots has found, deeper in the grassroots, even more revealing news than the fact that NST's VSS resulted in the company giving away enough money to buy a strand of chief sub-par performer David Robert Joseph Beckham's hair. Thanks to the harrowing journey undertaken by my Little Earthworms, they have uncovered, like those manholes that people always fall into, that the Best Pumpkin of Show Award-winning blog, Screenshots has also quietly undergone its own VSS exercise.

Becks'd look silly without his hair, wouldn't he? Those silly looking ears would stick out, all the time.

Sources close to the Earthworms have related that this is a bid to reduce cost as Ooi's latest megaprojects failed to find the necessary funding after open tenders failed to result in any bids for exclusive rights to his hip-hop side projects, Jeff On The Mike and Whatzzup.
However, it was duly reported to Potshots that this effort was 100% unsuccessful as negotiations took a quick downward spiral between the parties concerned. This is a transcript of employer-employee negotiations at the secretive headquarters of Screenshots.

Jeff: Hey, we're having this VSS thing, it's entirely voluntary, are you interested?
Jeff: (Broken Chinaman English) Uh... dowan-lah.
Jeff: OK.

Heated discussions are as common in the Screenshots HQ as, let's face it - hot blondes? Never.

It is noted that, with the wrapping up of VSS season, Screenshots has a 100% Chinese workforce, identified as DYMM Emperor Yang Agong In-Chief of Screenshots, Jeff Leopold Ooi. Questions still float in the sea like dead bodies of water.


Anonymous #1 fan said...

you kill me!

15/3/06 00:47  

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