Thursday, April 13, 2006

Daft Oi tames the Wild

Like a bridge over troubled water that was proposed 10 years ago and already invested in but then cancelled, Potshots is back with more scintillating analysis, not to be found anywhere else on the planet. Ok, more like eavesdropping, actually.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. At least mildly terrified. Because your kids will want to watch The Wild, because "got lieyearnss and geeruffss and koala!"
Eyes have not seen, ears have not heard, butts have not been this restless, since Catwoman produced a Halle Berry that seemed to be fruitier than her name.

They sure don't make 'em, like they used to.

Is this movie funny? Does it have great animation? An interesting storyline? Well, of course! It's Disney!

What could be funnier than a giraffe? Haha, it's got spots and that neck! It's ridiculous! It's perfect. I guess that's why Madagascar had one too.

Giraffes, hahahaha, snort, hehehe, could laugh at this, hahaha, forever.

What could be better than lifelike animation? I guess that's why The Incredibles sucked with its cartoony stuff, huh? Cartoons, hehe, who watches such juvenile shit anymore, right?

You know this, right? Haha, you're a loser, officially starting now.

And the plot? Sublime! Just check out this conversation I overheard on opening day between a snotty-looking 14-year-old girl and her horny, 18-year-old boyfriend who was busy trying to look down her top and blocking my view.

Artist sketch of the view that I missed, from three years ago.

Girl: This movie very fun wan. First there's a zoo in the middle of the city.
Boy: Oh, you mean like Madagascar.
Girl: No, because then at night the animals will come out and play.
Boy: Like Madagascar?
Girl: No, they play and then one animal will run from the zoo. Then they all go find him.
Boy: Madagascar lah!
Girl: No, cause then they have to go on a boat and all that and find him in the Wild!!!
Boy: Madagascar also got, what!
Girl: No! Then in the wild, they will discover some dancing animals!
Boy: You mean like Ali G in Mada-
Girl: No! It's some cows-la. Then they'll all discover true friendship and forgive each other.
Boy: Oh, like a teen movie.
Girl: Ya! That's why we must watch!
Boy: OK-la. Hey, you dropped your hairclip, bend over and get it.
Girl: OK.

Dancing cows can be disturbing to children, especially during a movie.

Once again, this has been Potshots, the first to the trivial shit that is trivialised everyday on a daily basis. Just to prove that I am serious about The Wild, I am offering two tickets to Pak Lah and Lee Hsien Loong to watch this movie and see for themselves how they can settle bilateral ties once and for all and then we can hear the tiger and lion roar. Or the merlion. Or whatever.


Blogger All My Base said...

Are you feeling ill, Daft?

14/4/06 11:50  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No I don't think Daft is ill, I think he is perfectly alright. Well I don't care what others say I feel both Pak Lah and Sien Loong and should we include the senile Dastardly Tun M and Darth Vader Kuan Yew too, be given the spike treatment. Take a 2 foot long 24 inch diameter pole. Spike the poles with 50 or 60 3 inch long nails, turn the 4 bastards over, apply some Kay Why at the entrance of their exterior orifice and be my guest. Do keep a shotgun handy coz if they seem to love it you could always replace the spike with the shotgun.

14/4/06 12:51  
Blogger Daft Oi said...

am feeling quite alright, my dearies. have recovered from the stupor of the ghastly night at the cinema!

14/4/06 13:27  
Blogger mob1900 said...

...then in the middle of the movie, we switch the movie to Brokeback Mountain and let them enjoy the 'Love'...

14/4/06 18:21  
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