Thursday, May 11, 2006

Potshots Civic Service Announcement - Servicing Malaysia For Dozens of Days

As the team at Potshots surveys its long, proud, hard and pistoning history, we are glad to say that despite the ups and downs experienced over several operational and management upheavals in the past three months, we are still serving the society as selflessly as can possibly be achieved by someone who sacrificially names his community-serving blog after himself.

After expert analysis by internal and external auditors (focus groups featuring many Jill Civics, who left satisfied that I was indeed, the owner of a long, proud and hard heritage, plus Professor Emeritus Littel Birdanathan, multiple Phd and Academy Award winner), it has been discovered that Potshots' shots at pots have become fewer and further between as time has gone by in bygone times.

What once used to come more often a pubescent boy with his first Playboy magazine, has slowed down to the frequency with which the Morning Crew manage to be funny.

After in-depth studies, running of experiments and the bulls, and also consultation with experts, both past and present via Ouija Board (Elvis says hi), we have found the main source of this phenomenon.

It appears that due to unforeseen - and we speculate only that this is due to the circumcision of our eyelids - circumstances, Your One Trick Attack Dog Muggy Scumbag, Daft Oi, has found BETTER THINGS TO DO.

"Yes, it appears that Oi has discovered a whole lot of stuff more enjoyable than work. It is an unprecedented occurrence for someone as dedicated and patriotic as him. I am sure my colleagues at the Deparment of People-Do-The-Darndest-Thingsology will be interested in this case as it will give them a chance to hire several cute interns who will do anything for a good grade," commented Birdanathan.

What you'd do for these chips, is what an intern would do for an A, anytime.

Among the things that I have discovered of late, include;

1. Books.
Yes, as Potshots is always on the cutting edge of discovery, we have followed closely on the trail of the Gutenberg press and found this amazing thing bound together to provide hours and days of engrossing distraction that can be brought around with you. Amazing! Like this one book I'm reading now. It's about the church and Jesus and there's a woman named Mary Magdalene and secret orders and strange happenings and mystery and people dying. Yeah, they even made it into a movie because it sold so many copies. It's called the Bible.

If they are sold out of Bibles at your bookstore, a factually inaccurate but totally reliable alternative is available, until you rot in hell - or as it's otherwise known, Sentul.

2. World Cup.
As June 9 approaches, I too have been taken up in football fever, as part of this Football Mad Nation, although like so many other Malaysians, we're not sure exactly what we're supposed to be kicking, but we know that we're gonna kick it, kick it.

And just like the Great I Am, YHWH JFF sht-my-srnm's-ll-vwls, I have listened to my Muslims elderly (as in the Muslims I keep as slaves in my chicken farming enterprise and listening to them like an old fart), my Muslim neighbour from the old kampung, and my Muslim friends in Umno and PAS, even the cats on the street. When they told me that supporting anyone but Saudi Arabia would hurt their feelings, I lent them my listening ears at BLR with no collateral required. I don't doubt their feelings. They are, after all, my brothers, even though my mother has only been pregnant twice and I already have a younger sister. I don't and I won't play poker with the feelings of my Muslim brothers since gambling is haram. But maybe I can play solitaire by loading it into a computer that nobody knows who belongs TO IT.

They told me that many Malaysians had hurt their feelings by supporting England, whose national flag has a cross on it and their national pastime is drinking beer and eating bacon. They also like to swear with the name of Nabi Isa and that's very insensitive, even recognises that and they don't allow a good Muslim like Kanye West who says Allahu Akbar in a song to taint his passage into heaven and his 40-houri credit by uttering the name of Nabi Isa in vain.

There's also the Swedish people who have a cross and eat meatballs and sell expensively priced furniture, but most of all, Brazilian fans, whose amoral supporters tend to show off their tits instead of menutup aurat. And that's just the guys.

So it is that Saudi Arabia has my undying support despite the fact that I have no idea who any of their players are. But have no doubt - they are my brothers.

Not about to flash her puppies, anytime soon.

3. Drugs
Oh, better not say anything more if not I'll be recognised and honoured by the Malaysian AIDS Council (MAIDS)!

The foremost in MAIDS, until recently.

4. Sex
I've discovered this new thing, called sex, which is a term you enter into the search field of my premium partner Google to obtain lots of pictures of people in strange, strange scenarios. It appears to be some sort of wrestling, and I'm hooked, and the storylines are even better than the ones on WWE.

So, as to keep the sanctity and justice that only randomness rather than consistency can bring, Potshots has taken stock of where it has come and what can be expected in the future, and has come to the conclusion that we can all expect the unexpected.

Inconsistency, the bedrock of Malaysian blogging, for centuries.

So, with no further ado, I'm off to read about the World Cup and its history of drug abuse and hopefully have not and will not offend people of all religions, and Scientologists.


Blogger tigerjoe said...

One could say that Jeff Ooi is the Shebby Singh of community punditry.

16/5/06 12:24  
Blogger sic6sense said...

but shebby knows his stuff.

22/5/06 20:16  
Blogger Daft Oi said...

and the stuff knows its turkey.

22/5/06 23:19  
Blogger sic6sense said...

so stuff jeff and do a shebby. for the WC at least.

23/5/06 23:16  

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