Thursday, June 29, 2006

World Cup Update... (2)

Aha, so you have been using your Maxis phones, then, because here I am with the actual World Cup update, not like the ones which have no football in it at all. What kind of World Cup is that? That's like a World Cup where the real stars are the female fans, the players' wives, broken bones in feet and lousy referees...

Anyway, many of you loyal readers and true patriots will be wondering why I did not post up a World Cup preview - since I am known to have a sharper nose for the game than MyTeam loser-in-chief, Shebby Singh and definitely woodn't be like Paul Masefield's anchoring of the telecasts so far.

Not Santokh Singh, in his heyday.

The reason is that because I am so clued in, I already knew which eight teams would be in the quarterfinals. And I didn't want to let it on because it would've spoilt your World Cup experience to know in advance that the last round of group matches were going to be a farce.
Oh, sure there were goals. Germany contributed three against Ecuador - but it was still a nonevent, with both teams already qualified and Ecuador deciding not to show up to protest against white supremacy or something. And Ivory Coast and Serbia & Montenegro traded goals to result in a generous 3-2 scoreline. It featured some quite awful defending - including Milan Dudic's two spectacular displays where the referee kayu failed to spot that he was actually a four-legged animal, and it wasn't handball.
But how about the worst of both worlds - hotshots Holland and Argentina
protecting their players for the next phase and benching about a dozen players
to give us... no goals whatsoever!

Football Mad Nation, during Ivory Coast vs Serbia & Montenegro.

But because I am the protector of the truth, it would've been unethical of me to lie to you and say that I merely thought that this or that team would make it to the quarterfinals instead of the truth, that I KNEW they would.
I even tried to deflect my obvious knowledge of the game by saying I supported Saudi Arabia. But let's face it, the Saudis were more interested in the size of German sausages than anything else.

You like my sausage, da? You vant some of this, now?

But here at this stage, things are becoming iffy, because Italian Mafia God of Gamblers are starting to throw their weight in and influence results. Not to mention Ronaldo's weight too... that'll shake things up, right and proper.

I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow Gerd Muller's record away, when I play against Ghana.

But before I get shot in a drive-by by people who hit on anything with a vagina and are called romantic for it, I will proceed to...


So, who will make it to the semis? Potshots on Goal sent some Little Earthworms to Germany to have a little chat with the coaches from each team.

LE: So, how will you defeat the Italians?
Old BlockedHind: With Andriy Shevchenko! Who, although is now in bed with Russian billionaire Roman AbrahamicJewsDon'tHaveAllTheMoney, was practically a son to Italy's premier, Silvio BeerlessCockney!

Forza Italia!

LE: And you, how will you plan against the Ukranians?
Marcello Lippy: By using my Argentinian winger, Maori, Mario, Maui... uhh, Cameroon, Cameron, uhh, the one who rebonded his hair. Yes.
LE: And Argentina, what will be your tactics against Germany?
Jose Peckerman: We have a German defender, Gabriel Heinze, of course! He will know how to handle the Nazi offensive.
LE: Jurgen, your reply to that?
Jurgen KuKluxKlinsmann: Hah, our strikers are too polished for that. In fact, Podolski and Klose are entirely Polish.

German secret weapon, tonight.

LE: (sigh) Well, over to England...
Sven-Gali TacticsSans: No worries, David Beckham actually plays overseas for us! HE WILL know all about the International Game!

Sting knows how Beckham feels, except in 80s America.

LE:, Uhh, Luis?
Luis Flippy ScoldReferee: We'll just get him sent off. After all, our Brazilian-born player, Deco is a grandmaster at that, he's so good he can do it from off the pitch.
LE: The favourites Brazil?
CarLost I'llBetOn Prairie: We don't have Deco in our team, that's good enough.
LE: And last, but not least...
Raymond DoMyNeck: We havez ze great geniuz, Zinedine Yazid Zidane, whoz name iz actually Tinedine Tidane but we French love to pronounce thingz wit ze letter Z.

Another great French export, during the days of the Wild, Wild West.

Quick and painless, unlike the Ukraine and Switzerland match, this has been Potshots, ignoring Wimbledon.


Blogger tigerjoe said...

I believe my Bukit Bintang bookie predicted the semi-final lineup pretty much spot on, some 4 weeks ago.

29/6/06 18:01  
Blogger Daft Oi said...

semis are only half as hard as quarters which are only half as hard as last 16.
only have to predict 4 teams, eh?

and i thought i told those bookies to shut up about my tipoffs.

30/6/06 00:25  
Blogger Keropok said...

Dude... hilarious!
Well done......

30/6/06 17:12  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quick and painless, unlike the Ukraine and Switzerland match, this has been Potshots, ignoring Wimbledon.

and ignore all the leggy, east-european blondes ? No-way man.

Yaakob Paulus

1/7/06 19:55  

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