Friday, August 25, 2006

Local blogging infidel records lamest excuse ever

Deep in the bowels of the Malaysian Blogstronomic Passage, Daft Oi has been hauled up by the authorities for the heinous crime of not updating.
Officials from the BlogtropolisPolis from Bukit Laman say that they've already been in contact with the Attorney General, Suanie Specific and are ready with an arrest warrant.

Specific and Bukit Laman officials coming to an agreement. Two glasses means "let's sic 'em, boys!", close to a wormhole, where time fades into oblivion, about five minutes ago.

Datin Seri Patik Tengku Specific was seen leaving a meeting place in the recent meta space-time continuum, probably after having settlement talks with representatives of Daft Oi, to see if the case could be settled out of court.
"I pleaded with them, 'Update-la! So many people know about you and read your blog, but you don't update often enough' I told them. But all they gave me was empty promises and excuses about how their Little Earthworms have been thwarted by faceless enemies, resulting in badly researched information. And my dog ate my harddrive.
"So, I have no choice but to charge them under Section PaulPeterKinkyBrandJeffLainieRockyAiseh!, for the crime of Updatus Interruptus, which is akin to blasphemy against Nature and the way God meant all things to work."
Jill Civic VTEC was reached for comment, and through the mist of tears, managed to blurt out that, "I kept chiding him, 'Got time to have beers but no time to update-la!' before being promptly slapped and left on the streets of Philadelphia as he stormed off. Daft, wherever you are, I'm sorry!"

Jill encountered a truly horrible sight, when Daft left her.

Oi has been in the middle of a daring attack on MonsterBlog, the blatantly rubbish musings of some retard, some fairy, some cartoon, and various stupid women when his entires suddenly dried up. Insider info states that content is being built-up to trash all that rubbish, so that it can be shown for the garbage that it is and people can refuse to read that wasteful crap.

When cornered in Starhill's amazing toilet, Oi's only comment, disseminated via methods not usually used by semen, was that "Eh, Siti's getting married!" before dashing into the Matrix joining up with the Ritz-Carlton and disappearing without a trace.

Most observers however, retorted that they'd prefer to watch something slightly less virginal and have suggested that Daft Oi point towards the kinky romance between Raja Di Subang Jeff Ooi and Putera Sumbang Oon Yeoh 'chatting up' Steven Gan in what promises to be a steamy threesome.

Oh, God, please no, ever.

No relevant comment was available from Maxis, who promptly told reporters to "use your God-damned brains". Time to change, and not your Hotlink logo either.

"We'll make the 'i' in lowercase, it'll be original and shit!" said Ananda Krishnan's five-year-old nephew, in kindergarden before the school holidays.


Blogger The Great Swifty said...

I am somewhat in a foul mood. But strangely, for a brief second, you make me feel that life is a wee bit more joyous than I can imagine.

26/8/06 02:01  
Blogger tigerjoe said...

You have to admit though that there were no updates for so long that some of us thought your silence had been bought by JO.

30/8/06 16:51  
Blogger Daft Oi said...

JO can never buy me. He may however succeed, with threats of dismemberment.

30/8/06 17:34  

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