Sunday, September 24, 2006

An Idiot By Any Other Name

Greetings fellow Malaysians, and according to some film producer somewhere, and a journalist whose ass, the great Assmeister of the Assblog of Assia and the AssyWorld Beyond, Jeff Ooi, is rather fixated with, this means only the Malays - who I also wish now, Selamat Berpuasa, like as if jams every 5pm, bad breath, starvation and zero efficiency is something to look forward to.
So greetings also to the Chinese, Indians, Orang Asli, Peranakan, and Martians. I come again to you, with another example of pure idiocy that my ever-intrepid and sometimes squashed by a monstrous SUV, Little Earthworms have managed to unearth (hehe, geddit, unearth? hoho!).

The worm doesn't always lose.

Apparently, some sohai, melancap bodo wannabe Jeremy Clarksons - a criticism any motoring journalist who tries to write well here must live with all the time - at Life & Times, NST, tried to be funny. No, as in literally.
They actually tried to inject some humour into the current motoring industry, which has been in bad times, with dealerships closing down and executives jumping off the top of their office buildings and landing on the poor kacang putih seller outside.

The biggest indignity, is losing control of your bowels, at such a time like this.

What kind of idiots are these fools? Shannon Teoh and Jeremy Mahadevan (haha, sure wannabe Clarkson, hahaha. Ha) and James Hipkiss (Hipkiss, I tell you! What kind of suckup, shoe-polishing name is that?). You think that people read the newspaper for laughs? This is serious business. If you want to joke around, go and do something insignificant like run a blog.

In the article titled "A Rolls By Any Other Name", run on Sep 5, they even went so far as to say,

If you've seen that fancy-looking sports car kicking up a fuss down the road, it's probably Italian and goes by the name of Fiorano, Quattroporte, Zonda or Gallardo and so on. Which is all well and good. These cars are rare enough that they deserve a name that evokes such strong emotions - even if translated to English, the Maserati Quattroporte actually means the Maserati Four-Door.
But trust the Japanese and Koreans to jump on the bandwagon and break it. We have the Hyundai Elantra and Sonata, Kia Picanto and Sorento, Nissan Sentra, Suzuki Vitara, all of which, only kick up a ruckus when they hit something. The one time a German tries something like this, it's a Mercedes Vaneo, which as the name suggests, is a big, ugly van. Thankfully it was just a van, otherwise the new S-Class might have ended up as the Salooneo and the new M-Class the Jeepeo. Where does that leave
the B Class, though? Pointlesseo, anybody?

How dare they insult those companies who have advertised so heavily in the NST? That's like being a whore and then telling your customer he's got a small dick! How can???
As journalists, they should know, a newspaper can stand up to politicians, ex-prime ministers, no less, the censorship board also kena, do exposes on the police, take on another newspaper twice its size and angkat Khairy's balls (as in the ones that appear on MyTeam. What were you thinking?) but NEVER, NEVER will they thumb their nose at MONEY.
Yes, because what is a newspaper if not a medium for the transmission of ads? Which is why the Star is the model we all look to, a newspaper where only those paying close attention can detect some small hint of something called an ARTICLE being published.
How will the NST ever catch up to the Star if they never learn that the advertiser is No.1 - customer is always right, see? Simple common sense. How do we trust newspapers if they can't even get this right?

A newspaper article, from about the time we last saw one in the Star.

Furthermore, they actually ran a picture of the Kia Picanto with the caption "As Italian as monkey brain soup." WHAT IS UP WITH THESE FUCKTARDS? Or rather, as my esteemed friend Peter Tan prefers, people with fucktardations, oh sorry, that makes Peter Tan a friend with estimation.
How dare they put the name of their advertiser's product in the same sentence as the word 'monkey'? Don't they realise that the average reader will automatically translate it thus,

As Italian as monkey brain soup.
An Italian monkey brain.
A monkey.

And so, people will see the picture and equate it as Picanto = Monkey.
Furtherer-more, how dare they say the car is not Italian? Kia themselves say that the car's designer, Kang Lee, "has managed to tailor the Picanto to meet European design flavour – a major departure from traditional Korean small car styling."
And we know how to read that, right?

...tailor the Picanto to meet European design flavour
...Picanto European design house Giugiaro
...Picanto Italian-designed.

The Picanto was the inspiration for an actual Giugiaro design, the Ferrari GG50. The resemblance is striking, even after all those years.

So, of course, to right the wrongs of the stupid, Daft Oi must stand up and be counted (the count resulted in one, by the way). He must put straight, what was previously not even an issue anymore. He went and test drove a Kia Picanto himself, so he could prove how Italian the car really was.
All that in the next update, after I've gone to the ketuk shop for a bit. I SWEAR IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PICANTO. JUST WAIT FOR THE UPDATE ON THAT TEST DRIVE LAH! IT'LL BE WORTH IT! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!


Blogger tigerjoe said...

It's uncanny how similar the Piccanto and the GG50 are to each other. Must be due to the fact that both have four wheels.

If I were an auto designer, I would have patented the use of four wheels on an automobile. That way all the other designers would either have to design cars with 3 or 5 wheels, or pay me a royalty for using my four-wheeled design.

This probably explains why I am not an auto designer.

25/9/06 17:53  
Blogger Allcarphotos said...

Excellent blog and thanks for the opportunity to share my thoughts here. I am putting together a collection of photos and information on Kia vehicles and so far I managed to cover some of the models, and you will find some cool Kia Spectra photos, Kia Sorento pictures and high resolution Kia Sportage photos. I hope you’ll find the website to be interesting, in case you want to pay it a visit.
Enjoy your day!

Michael R.

31/1/07 02:25  

Post a Comment

<< Home