Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Internet Makes You Stupid (2)

Have you missed me, my dear patriotlings? No? Well, not like it makes a difference. Here's the Potshots update which is late but who's looking at dates, certainly not me, I don't do dates, I mostly just have girls lying around all over the place!

Last month, we left you with the fatal conclusion that the internet makes you stupid. This week, more evidence to silence all critics - living, dead, or in a comatose state of reading Screenshots. My Little Earthworms have found out that a majority of Malaysian internet users are either on dialup or streamyx. Case closed.
But I promised, nonetheless, that I would bring you even more damning evidence, since evidence is my favourite sort of thing to talk about, unlike other bloggers who talk about feelings, nothing more than feelings. Even if it's the feeling up of something irrelevant.

Prime blogging material, for today's soppy blogger.

Damning evidence, ladies and gentlemen, is the bedrock of all creation. One day, when you find yourself naked and surrounded by other bewildered folk and a big faceless guy is sitting with a book on his lap, you'll get what I mean. Damning evidence will be brought to you to cast you into eternal damnation. Enjoy the ride. It doesn't get any better.
But I talk too much about what I want to talk about instead of talking it. Or something.
The damning evidence, I present to you, is, that in spite of what Jeff Ooi-I-Can-See-Your-Answers and Rock-Paper-Scissors-Copy-Your-Answers Bru might say, they should be the last to try and point out something else as plagiarism.
It's like a Black Hole calling a WWE fan a sucker. Haha, see, I made up my own phrase, any other lesser blogger would've used that stupid aunty's saying about pots and kettles and stuff we don't use anymore.

A relic of, the past.

But back to my point, remember in this post back in April 21. No, that wasn't a question, that was an order. Remember it.
Now in recent times, Jeff Pencurooi, has also used screen captures (notice how I voided the use of the other term for getting an image from your computer screen as to avoid dumb accusations of plagiarism) of his Gmail account. Of course, they're not of the exact same part of the screen, but then, Brendan of the Prairie didn't use the exact same words either, did he? And you hordes of wild cannibals aren't giving him any quarter, chicken, duck, 25 US cents or otherwise.
Not only has Pencurooi plagiarised, he's plagiarised me! How dare he! But there are other examples of his nefarious and hypocritical behaviour. Take my hand and follow me on this adventure, and if you're a really fit chick, take hold of any appendage you see fit, or even if you don't see it. Or even if it's not fit. Just hold me, baby!

Oh, this is friggin original, Jeff, like, nobody's ever thought of this before.

Furthermore, many of you would've noticed his Videocast (oh, my, I bet you didn't copy that either) called Whatzzup! Never mind that that's one of the most ridiculous names to use, he obviously didn't cite Budweiser as his source. So how now, Pak Jeff? Ini semua lu guna ada bayar ka? Probably not, considering his kiasuness is only matched by Daft Oi's manliness.

From the original motion picture, Whassup. Look at me being a responsible blogger quoting his source right now.

Even in the throes of his money-pinching ways, Jeff The Tiny Toolbox Man can't seem to quite be original. I mean, it's not like you're being asked to be creative for free... but nonetheless, compare KG810 has a touch-sensitive keypad under the external screen with The device also has a touch-sensitive keypad under the external screen. The first is from Mr Toolbox-to-Make-Up-For-My-Own-Tool and the second, from, published six months before our own one-man Plagiarism Police was busy trying to figure out how to write a review for a review phone that he had abused by giving it to his daughter so that she could be cool enough for the guys at school to notice her.

Jeff, that's not the K810, get that out of your hands, now!

Need I say more? No, I don't, but I will. Because we're not done yet with plagiarism amongst such luminaries in Sunset Bloglevard, Bloglywood. Enter, the one, the only, the undisputed champion of the most cheap-ass drunkards in the world, Press Club President, Rocky bin Bru. Huzzah! Whatever that means.
Our Bro Bru Bra Bri Bre, has been busy using the plagiarism card to justify all and sundry, by that, I mean his outstanding bill at the sundry shop. In one of his latest tak-sedar-diri entries, he writes,

"Senior editors appointed by the Prime Minister to head the NSTP write blatant lies in their columns and plagiarize, and Zahid has never lifted a finger. He should know better than ask unethical journalists to deflect the blogs for the government when they could not even defend themselves against these blogs!"

Never mind that by the same token, Turtles have never tried to defend themselves against monkeys, but does Rocky, who still proudly waves a banner that he used to be an Executive editor for Malay Mail, really believe that mainstream journalists are unethical? And this all happened, what, over the past six months? You really mean to tell us that right after you left your cushy part-time job at Malay Mail, things went haywire?

You might think this is how Rocky spent his retirement days after Malay Mail. No, this is how he spent Malay Mail into retirement, back in the day.

Let us give you the benefit of the doubt, because after all, the benefit of VSS obviously wasn't enough for you. So how is it, the Great Decider of All Matters Plagiatric, who while in cahoots with Ahirocky Altantuya, proclaimed Brendan a Plagiarist, also pointed out to two occasions where a Malay Mail journo also plagiarised WHILE UNDER ROCKY'S WATCH.
OMFG! What can this possibly mean? Yes, it's a case of the Black Hole and the WWE Fan, ladies and gentlemen.

Watches, something Rocky has no concept of, given the sort of hours you'd have found him in Malay Mail, which is next to never.

So, the last piece of the puzzle then, why did Brendan resign, other than the obvious and therefore impossible to be true fact that he just wanted to? Well, Groupie Edit Brendan of the Prairie has been known to sport a rather ridiculous-looking moustache which has been affecting operations at NST. First of all, those under his charge find it hard to take him seriously, secondly, it has been causing all sorts of havoc with the computers due to the large amount of static electricity created by that frictitious flock of follicles.
But it is difficult to fire a man because of a (super)natural growth of hair, and it was a fortunate last straw for NST, when he was found to be constantly harassing his bald colleagues. Here is a man with too much hair in the wrong place making fun of the bald pates of fellow editors. Such cruelty cannot be tolerated at a company like NST, which has a history of being kind and generous - allowing the Star to run so far ahead in circulation, allowing deadweight to leave with a golden handshake via VSS...

Another moustachioed man, yesterday.

So, there you have it, the utter and final truth, from Daft Oi, where else?

The Internet Makes You Stupid

So prophesied the wise people at Something Awful, a piece of advice, obviously not heeded by the Malaysian public at large, for when have we ever listened to good advice. And that's why we continue to celebrate such things as condensed milk, Mawi, and Ops Sikap every Syawal.

As all of us will very well know, or not know at all, many quarters, more than four quarters in fact, which is a logical paradox, have claimed and been rejoicing like dirty old men who just pinched Jessica Alba's butt, that the New Body of Dirty Water between Malaysia and Sumatra Times Groupie Edit, Brendan of the Prairie, has decided to let the people have what they deserve - crap newsmanship.
For before he came along, NST was filled with page one stories of Mahathir, Dr Mahathir. Strangely enough, NST was criticised for that then, as they are for NOT filling the cover with the KarTun nowadays. Go figure.

The face of Mahathir, disseminated across the Straits, until 2003.

Crap newsmanship, ladies, gentlemen and politicians, has been what Malaysians have been crying out for every since Brendan came into the position of Executioner of Edited News at Malaysia's No.1 newspaper for schools. And finally, the good Agen Singapura who is actually a Malaysian unlike Rocky of the Rocky not Creamy and Smooth like Starbucks Bru, has decided to stop taking abuse for no reason whatsoever. Mad, isn't he? Free abuse, and he's turning it down.

A kind of brew that is also quite chunky, yesterday. However, no plagiarism is involved, ever.

The oft-cited reason, is that he stepped down amidst controvery and disgrace, amidst claims of plagiarism, vandalism, hooliganism and patriotism. Amidst the crime of doing his job, working his butt off and making other people look bad.

The chief amongst his accusers, is Jeffdas Iscarooit, himself, who for so long pissed blood on KarTun Drama Mahathir's regime only now to berpeluk-peluk with the Commoner and Malaysian Citizen, because Iscarooit too believes himself a Commoner and Malaysian Citizen, unlike the rest of us, who are not Commoners and Malaysian Citizens apparently, who he refuses to even salam or give a high five.
Ooi has been going around his circle of friends, cronies, supposed mistresses and his readersheep of kindergarden students who haven't learned to think for themselves, yelling "Plagiarism!" like the boy who cried "Wu Liao! Wolves, man!"
According to his learned self, Brendan plagiarised from famed but totally overrated Detroit Free Press and Massage columnist Mitch Albom, in his editorial piece How Dearly We Miss June 6.
This resulted in a rabbling mass of uneducated, railings against the Groupie Edit. Here were a bunch of people pretending they knew what was going on about, simultaneously claiming that they know Mitch Albom, yet at the same time that 'people' didn't and Brendan should have cited the source, so as to not confuse the 'people' as to who originally came up with the idea - also known as a literary device, you lamebrains. Professor of Lasvicious Literary Linguistics, Littel Birdanathan had this to say, "It seems somewhat strange to me that whether a piece is considered plagiarism or not depends on whether the people are literate enough to have read the supposed piece from which it plagiarised. Meaning, if your readership are a bunch of people who can't tell a book from a doorstop, it's plagiarism, as decided by the illiterates. Ironic and paradoxical, if you ask me."

LOL, today.

Asking Brendan to cite his source? Is there no sense of mystery left in our good nation, which came up with such wonderful myths and legends as Hang Tuah just like they're gonna hang Hussein? Or the titillating tale of Mahsuri, who flowed white blood upon penetration.
So, perhaps, they'd prefer a country where we explained all our little subtleties. For people to conscientiously ask, "geddit?" at the end of the joke and then explain it away anyway.
I'm sure Ooi is an expert on this, a man who constantly assumes (rightly, of course) that his readers are idiots and proceeds to explain everything step-by-step, making us wonder why he didn't just give us the straightforward story, instead of using dumb analogies and French words which he then proceeds to explain and link online dictionaries to.

Disgusted by Ooi's analogy, half a century ago.

Later on, Ooi put two and two together and got 5. You know, because that's how his readers add their sums too in their maths workbooks. With the NST then announcing Brendan's resignation, Ooi conveniently linked the two together so that he could disgrace a man who, well, had nothing to do with him in the first place. I guess this is some sort of hobby for Ooi, you know, bad poetry, bad writing and bad logic.
Of course, anyone with half a brain would be able to see how if Brendan was only leaving NST at the end of the year, NST could've postponed the announcement until later, letting the entire half-arsed plagiarism idea disappear first if they actually felt the plagiarism was a factor at all. But expecting Ooi and his posse to have half a brain, is like expecting Malaysians to stop ogling at roadside accidents.
Instead, Ooi chose to ignore what everyone already knew, that since last year, Brendan had already been seeking to leave his cosy position of being fucked left, right and centre everyday (could be doggy-style, too) by the supposedly righteous opposition to government oppression. Guess Ooi has too short a memory or his Little Birds just aren't as good as my Earthworms.

The surgeon-general warns you reading Screenshots regularly is harmful to your health, if you do it daily.

But never mind that, instead, whenever two things happen in quick succession they must and inescapably be linked. This makes no sense, like how Ooi wants to say NO to monopoly of Chinese media by having no updates of Screenshots for three days. Yes, sure, so that when people are avoiding Chinese newspapers, they also have no Screenshots to read. That really solves the problem.
I think instead, he should be thankful to monopolies, because they have given him such a holiday more than once.

Incurring the ire of Jeff Ooi, every time it announces its gajillion dollar profits.

But going by Ooi's logic, I think we have more to be worried about than some editor somewhere supposedly plagiarising. I think we should rally together to close down Screenshots. Look, on Oct 12, Ooi gave us this banal discourse on democracy which he, of course, didn't plagiarise from some library book somewhere, stating that,

A true parliamentary democracy should have all the governments at the federal, state and municipal levels elected by the constituents through public voting.

On the same day, it was reported that there can be no democracy in Iraq in the near future. Surely, those two events must be linked. They happened ON THE SAME DAY!

Also, "U can't shut people up,", screamed another Ooi headline last month, which must've resulted in the alleged gag order on NST staff concerning the BBC's report on Brendan's departure which NST threatens to sue BBC for.
A GAG ORDER, I tell you, by a company on its staff concerning a matter which might go to court! How can a company do such a thing! Protecting itself in a possible lawsuit! That's not democratic, that's not civilised! I don't think Ooi will ever issue a gag order on himself if he were to be taken to court. No, he'll continue to spout off nonsense everyday!

What is the BBC ruckus all about? Well, their Malaysian correspondent, Jonathan Kent, who mainly covers the pub beat and whose close sources include deadbeats like has-been writers and bloggers (yes, this is scintillating journalism at its best), decided that whatever Ooi and his Bot Army must be saying is true. Because they're anti-government, and anti-government = truth. Nevermind that he works for the government-funded BBC.
In his story, he wrote,

The New Straits Times is owned by the political party of the prime minister.
Malaysia's broadcasters and newspapers are closely controlled by the government and no mention of the scandal has appeared in print.
However, the government has promised not to censor the internet and it appears that Malaysia's online watchdogs have claimed their first major scalp.

Well, if NST does sue then they will be suing the BBC, which is funded by the government of the prime minister, isn't it? Ignoring the patently anti-Malaysian tone of the next paragraph, the last para seems to intimate a bunch of Malaysian bloggers celebrating over the 'difference' they have made. Yes, the difference a football team also makes when it steps onto the pitch, kicks off, and scores a goal! Except that there are no opponents playing against them. Fun, isn't it?

Nobody's gonna stop her, literally, now.

This claim of plagiarism was also supported by one Sharon Bakar, who shares her name with a mad Israeli premier and also an incendiary word in Malay. Guess that makes her somewhat qualified to speak on the matter. Just like Kent, she too used her psychic British powers to figure out what these damn Asians were thinking. She wrote,

it is quite clearly plagiarism. brendon.(Brendan?) took the framework of an article written by someone else and used it to support his own article.
if the article he had taken had been known to the wider malaysian public and if he had used it as a basis for a humourous or ironic piece which built in some sense on the original article, that would not have been plagiarism. [...] brendon just took and hoped no-one would notice. and perhaps the worst crime of all - the original piece is powerful and eloquent, while brendon's prose is laboured and earth-bound.

She self-defined plagiarism, then decided what was Brendan's intentions and then made a critique of his writing, all in one fell swoop. If indeed, it was true that Brendan lifted so much of Albom's work, then why is his piece "laboured and earth-bound"? Just because he's Indian and not Caucasian? Isn't it a bit racist to use the terms laboured and earth-bound in reference to Brendan?
But forget all that, "Sharon is a British who has lived in Malaysia for more than 20 years. She writes on books for a number of publications and teaches creative writing," insists Ooi, making her a "foreigner who knows Malaysia". Why a 'creative writing expert' who 'knows Malaysia' is a qualified spokesperson on a matter or 'journalism' is beyond me, unless Ooi is sayin that journalism is creative writing. Oh, wait...

At least she's hotter than Sharon, any damn day of the week, man.

But wait a minute, is it just me, or has Malaysia simply regressed 50 years in a couple of days? Are we going back to listening to what a couple of British hacks have to say? I thought that these bloggers and whatnot were pro-Malaysia? Real patriots? Or is the definition of Malaysia "British Colony" still?

But my dear friends, have a think about all this, and I shall be back with more, on how of all people Ooi and his main Bumiputera Brother, Rocky, should be the last people to accuse anyone of plagiarism. In the meantime, feel free to use any of the literary devices that I have myself lifted, in your own writing, be they journalistic, creative or erotic (send me a sample though).